A Story and a Niggun
Two years ago, the ALEPH Board asked me to manage a difficult process with a tight timeline. I felt energized by the task and, as time went on, also concerned that I might be confusing satisfying my ego with being in harmony with the Divine will. When that concern hit with full force, I missed my rebbe more than ever. It wasn’t that I needed him to tell me what to do so much as I needed that warmth and the pleasure he received from the work I was doing. Then, all of a sudden, I started to hear him singing a niggun, one that I knew I had heard before but never learned and wasn’t sure of the words. I looked it up and saw/heard the following:
What I heard through Reb Zalman was that, if I looked behind me, I could “see” that God was watching, gently guiding, staying just out of sight to let me be the agent. It was a similar, though much more personal an experience which I had while watching Shtisl and hearing the song based on Reb Nachman’s teaching that even when God seems to be doubly hidden, still it is the Holy Blessed One that stands behind us, even in our most difficult moments.
And, from then on, I hear these words and R. Zalman’s niggun in my own voice.